,
reminding me that I was supposed to be taking Lynn to her Physical Therapy session. I hate it when I mess up like this.
- I knew my raisins were ready when they were all floating. You see, on my trips, I put 1.5 oz of raisins in a jar with water in my little van refrigerator so they'll be plump when I add the chilled water to the powered milk on my cereal. When I got home from my trip I transferred the jar with its booty to my house refrigerator. It remained there for a month while the raisins slowly rose to the top. That meant that they were properly fermented and naturally carbonated. That was my alcoholic binge for the summer.
- This morning, after last night's comedy experience, I decided, at least for now, to use my energy to animate and tweak my existing hour of material rather than prepare new stuff.
- I DID get pretty decent video and audio from my set last night, which I got processed rather efficiently.
- This afternoon I checked and adjusted my van's tire pressures, researched the candidates for the primary election and delivered my mail-in ballot in person to the polling place.
- I about made myself late, but I DID get the BLOG on my website updated through last month - ten days worth. Then I went to Chop and Wok in Scottsdale for comedy. A good show. My activated and tweaked Oscar/Tornado routines went over fairly well.
Fri Sep 2 = It took about 1.5 hours for me to remove the feature sticker from the front of my new Samsung printer, with the assistance of a small C clamp :( I hate it when they put weak paper stickers on with strong adhesives. They tear into little strips of confetti when you try to remove them. I was finally successful after starting the removal of one corner by hand and then hanging the C-clamp on that corner to let it finish the job. The only thing left was to clean off a little residue with paint thinner.
- This morning I researched whiteboards and easels to use with my Comedy Writing Workshops.
- This evening I bought, at Hobby Lobby, at online prices, an 18 x 24" whiteboard and easel for my Comedy Writing Workshops, went to Tosos and met producer, Bobby Johnson and saw these nine comedians, hosted by Rich Rivera. Tad Lloyd, the headliner was a BIG, Black 20-minute female hit.
Sat Sep 3 = This morning I updated my Avery software to Version 3.02, unwrapped the whiteboard, put workshop lables on it and the new easel with the first Avery labels I printed on my new printer, organized the dry-erase markers in an old sock/eraser and did a marker test on the whiteboard.
- I have been trying to memorize the list of people who might be interested in my Comedy Writing Workshop. People who are writing an:
article
book
comedy
lyrics
manual
poetry
porn
script
standup
story... or even a
sermon
- This afternoon I reviewed the topics and listened to audio files from my previous two Catalina Sports Bar appearances and worked on what bits to use tomorrow night at the Catalina Sports Bar and Grill.
- This evening I stopped by Goodwill, went to my first Hamfeast (now called Food Fight) since getting back from my trip, did a 20-minute light, fast full body workout at LA Fitness, bought some blueberries etc. at Fry's Food Store and bought some bread at 99¢ Only.
Sun Sep 4 = Today I prepared for tonight's comedy and never got to a gym. This evening I met
George & Cindy
younger brother and his wife who live in Mesa, Arizona
at the nearby Sala Thai Restaurant. Thanks to a friend's gift, they are spending a couple days at a fancy hotel near Paradise Valley Mall in this area. From Sala I went on down to the
Catalina Sports Bar and Grill at 2939 N 16th St. Glendon and Eric ran their usual good pre-booked open mic show.
Mon Sep 5 = I organized some ideas for tomorrow evening at Rick Bronson's House of Comedy. This evening I drove the 4.5 miles over to Toso's to meet Gino and check the electrical outlet situation for my Comedy Workshop next week. Then by Goodwill to pick up a second power strip for the workshop, in case attendees have computers to plug in, then to Fitness 1 for a medium-heavy arms workout. This evening I researched and downloaded Audacity and its plug-ins, and may have found side-chain compression... for free. Audacity calls it Ducking, which is the same thing: controlling the volume of one track with the volume of another track, like the audience volume and my mic volume.
Tue Sep 6 = I got today really organized into alternating 20-minute categories: sedentary and active.
- I ran across Nine Hallmarks Of Highly Incompetent Losers: Nine Dumb Mistakes That Everyone Makes Over And Over And Over... by Pat Reader and Laura Ainsworth. I need to work on numbers 2, 5, 6 & 9 in the book's Table of Contents:
Never Plan Ahead
Lose Sight of Your Goal
Don't Sweat the Details
Don't Communicate Clearly
Work While Indulging Your Addictions
Call Undue Attention to Yourself (my emphasis)
Lose Your Cool
Claim Talents You Don't Really Have
Lean Over Too Far Backward
- At solar noon I lay in the sun for 20 minutes, rode my exercycle fast for two and then ate lunch. This afternoon I typed into of my various comedy files, all the audio notes I had accumulated at night for the past two weeks on my Olympus VN-7200.
- Experimenting with Audacity, the audio editing software that I downloaded Monday, occupied most of my afternoon. Using my recording from the Back Alley Draft House in Albuquerque, I tried 14 different settings, and concluded for a:
Noisy audience background (as with the Back Alley in ABQ):
1) Reduce the volume of the audience track
2) Do mild ducking of the audience track with:
-12db Duck Amount (more results in obvious pumping of the background noise)
.2sec Outer fade down length
0 sec Inner fade down length
1 sec Max pause
.2sec Outer fade up length
0 sec Inner fade up length
-30db Threshold
Quiet audience background:
1) Adjust the volume of the audience track if necessary
2) Do more ducking of the audience track
-24db Duck Amount
.2sec Outer fade down length
0 sec Inner fade down length
1 sec Max pause
.2sec Outer fade up length
0 sec Inner fade up length
-30db Threshold
- Comedy, this evening at Rick Bronson's House of Comedy did not work out for two reasons. The sign-up list was full at 6:45 when they opened it up (I arrived at about 6:54) and there weren't enough paying audience members, although I was one of them, so they cancelled the show. The audience members were given free tickets to any future show. I asked Dakota, I think it was, why he did not give me a ticket. He said that I did not need one because I was always welcomed to come to any of their shows, for free, as he knew me.
Wed Sep 7 = Today was a somewhat relaxing day. This evening I drove the 40 miles down to Chandler for the first session of Improv 101 at Improv Mania, next door to Gangplank. In fact they share a hallway and bathrooms. At 17, it was Improv Mania's largest class in their about 2-year history.
Dave did a good job as our leader, in helping us to work together as a group and be supportive of others' ideas. Some of our activities included
Saying our names around the circle of chairs
Passing clapping around a circle, looking in your neighbor's eyes
Passing numbers, then letters around the circle
Passing numbers, letters and claps around the circle, all at the same time
Some Yes, and... exercises
Slow motion fighting where everyone eventually was dead. I was last to go.
Shoppers requesting outlandish things from vendors, who always seemed to have the items
Discretely picking two people, then walking around to keep your savior between you and your assassin
Thu Sep 8 = This morning I took a bath, after which I always feel really clean. I spent much of the rest of the day working on some new comedy ideas. By 3pm I had watched my usual DVR comedy recordings of the monologues of Ellen DeGeneres, Jimmy Fallon, James Cordon and Seth Meyers.
- For the evening I drove the 40 miles down to Gangplank in Chandler to spread the news of my appearance next door at
Improv Mania's Second-Thursday Open Mic show at 7:30. It was a good crowd.
- After the show I drove the 27 miles up to Chop and Wok. It turns out that the show had already ended, having only 10 comedians. Must have been the start of college football today. Although I wasn't able to make an appearance, I DID sell one of my $20, white, picture-pocket T shirts. That was half my inventory of that limited edition.
Fri Sep 9 = I made several phone calls today. I called for Bob Roth at KFNN during the brakes of his Health Futures radio show. Doreen there explained that Bob was unavailable, but took my name and number and that I was interested in speaking with Bob regarding doing some comedy. Later in the day Andrea Garcia phoned me from Bob Roth's Cypress Home Care Solutions. She said that they have been thinking of incorporating some comedy and would get back to me on Tuesday when she gets back in the office. COOL!
- I phoned FNF Servicing, which handles the payments of the desert land #4 that I sold. Jessica Gariby there emailed two statements that got lost in my mail shuffle during my four-month trip.
Thanks, Jessica!
- My old Jabra Bluetooth headset is still hanging on, with the help of a broccoli rubber band to keep it from falling apart. It has been dropped several times. Concrete is not a good place for that type of activity. The Jabra is very comfortable, fits over the ear and operates off a single AAA for about a month so never has to be recharged. It's ear phone all of a sudden got very quite, so I did three things. 1) Researched a replacement. 2) ordered a new state-of-the-art Jawbone New Era. The New Era has a full set of features and is probably the smallest Bluetooth headset available. The only disadvantage is a talk time rated at only three hours. 3) Washed the ear wax out of the Jabra sound channel, which fixed it.
Sat Sep 10 = At solar noon I lay in the sun for 20 minutes. Then later in the afternoon I drove to Mesa for supper with
George & Cindy
younger brother and his wife who live in Mesa, Arizona
and to pick up a hard disk drive I leave with them as an off-site backup.
- From there I went on to Stand Up Live in downtown Phoenix where I watched both the 7 and 9:30 shows. I thought Jay, the host, was the best with his 15-minute set. Andy Steinberg (who I have seen before) featured, with 23 minutes and Mark Normand was the headliner with 56 minutes.
Sun Sep 11 = Most of the day I prepared for the Comedy Writing Workshop for tomorrow and for tonight's appearance at The Phoenix Center for the Arts' Third Street Theater's Infuse Open Mic. Several people complemented me on my set. One guy said he thought it was my best set yet. I had done some new stuff about being late.
- I never made it to the gym on the way, although I had good intentions. Of course, they were closed when the show was over.
Mon Sep 12 = It was so simple and unexpectedly easy to set up the Bluetooth DaVoice Remote Shutter Release by IOHA to work with my Nexus6P cell phone camera. I paired it with no code needed and it worked with both the front and rear-facing cameras for stills and videos!
- I put my Comedy Writing Workshops on Facebook and on Twitter.
- For the first edition of my Comedy Writing Workshops tonight, I got to Toso's early and set the room up with:
a whiteboard and easel
dry erase markers
sock for an eraser
power strips for our computers
extension cord for the power strips
Zoom audio recorder
computer case
Vaio
Sony Vaio Duo 11 computer with 11.6" touch screen, Windows 10, 8gb memory and 256gb SSD
sign-up notebook
gaffer's tape
extra pencils
extra pens
handouts
name tags
sign with an arrow in the hallway
banner on the wall
prepared notes for getting acquainted, setting goals etc.
rearranged tables and chairs
... an no one showed up.
- It was a combination of poor publicity (but I have been pushing it for over three weeks at all my comedy appearances), Monday night college football and people's forgetfulness. It was sort of a let-down for me. I was really looking forward to a productive evening, and think I had a good one planned.
- The good side is that I got my blog worked on, picked up a new self-inking date stamp at Walmart and finally made it to a gym, LA Fitness.
Tue Sep 13 = Good news. I have been accepted on Stand Up Live's New Faces show for September 29th. This mornings project was to get my website's FUTURE APPEARENCES updated, make 36 new Appearance Tabs to pass out and to make 40 tickets for the 29th.
- This evening I went to Stand Up Live to see the last semi-final show for Arizona's Funniest Comedian Contest. It was good to see René Harte from the headquarters in Florida again. Tim Bateman did a good job hosting the show. Two of the best competitors were Amy Blackwell... and Dave Utley who I had not seen before. He is obviously deformed, being short and humped over but made the best of his situation by keeping the audience laughing with him about his situation, starting with, This is not what you expected, is it? - Before and after the show I passed out 21 tickets and a bunch of my FUTURE APPEARENCES slips. That is probably the best place to do it... the same place where I am going to appear in about 2.5 weeks.
Wed Sep 14 = Around noon I lay in the sun for 20 minutes and then rode my exercycle with arm levers really fast for two minutes. This afternoon, as my drippers activated, I Moon Juiced my myoporums #3 #4, #5 & #6. Myoporum #4 is slowly getting browner but still has some green left. I hope it pulls through.
- This afternoon I set the tentative dates for a June-to-August Comedy/Kiteboarding road trip to the East coast and figured a bunch of possible cities for comedy on the way east taking the southern route and on the way west taking the northern route. The thinking is that it would be better to be further north in August, without AC in my van during the nights.
- I was about 10 minutes late this evening for the Improv Mania class due to an accident on the southern 202, eastbound. It took me about 1.5 hours to get there, and didn't even make it to the gym on the way. After the class, I DID have a pretty good heavy legs workout on the way home at the LA Fitness on North Dobson in Chandler. As a result I got to bed late.
Thu Sep 15 = Sleeping late this morning, I was jolted out of bed with the doorbell... by Jehovah's Witnesses. I gave them my sympathy and sent them on their way. When I get time, I'll figure out a routine to use with future visits of these poor abused people. Deborah Francess-White is a former Jehovah's Witness and a comedian with some first-hand insights of what it is to be one... and then try to leave. Below is a sample of her Alphabet Comedy:
- This afternoon I saw Dr Walter Kamiceik about some atypical chest pain and chronic diarrhea. An EKG and x-ray showed nothing for the chest pain, just what I thought and had hoped. The abdominal x-ray showed that, as the doctor said, I was full of shit. I believe the medical term is FOS. He gave me instructions for a bowel cleansing. The whole thing will take two days; the first with a clear liquid diet and the second with some pretty powerful laxatives.
- I made 72 new Appearance Slips, revised specifically for the Tempe Improv this evening. By eliminating the Workshop information and logo, I can now include 13 of my past venues across the US, plus information for nine future appearance as well as my logo and face. That way, hopefully people will save the slips, remember me and remember to come to some shows.
- The finals for the Arizona's Funniest Comedian Competition at The Tempe Improv this evening were awesome. First place was David Utley, physically short and crumpled but awesome in comedy. Second place was Short Bus, even more crumpled and in a wheelchair. Third place was Andy Steinberg.
Fri Sep 16 = At 11am I took Denise shopping under the auspices of
Sat Sep 17 = It started with one piece of paper about six months ago and grew to covering a good percentage... of my desk... its return... the credenza... the kitchen counter... my dresser. Clutter! Today I got those places cleared off, making a six-inch stack in a box, divided into comedy, finance and daily-do sheets & medical. My motivation was a visit this afternoon by Dr Purna Shah for House Calls, a part of my insurance wellness program.
So here's what I did:
made my bed using a bedspread
completely cleared off the kitchen counter
cleared off my desk
cleared off most of the credenza
completely cleared off the kitchen table (wasn't too much on it)
vacuumed all the tile surfaces in the house
changed to a smaller, more reasonable sized mop head
mopped all the tile surfaces in the house
dusted stuff, especially my gym equipment so it would not look unused
vacuumed the carpet in the obvious places
put out my new and unused company dish cloth and towel
took a bath
- At Stand Up Live tonight most of the audiance was Black. Probably because so was the host, the feature comedian and the headliner. All three spent a lot of time talking about race, not really my cup of tea, and some about sex. The audience loved it. I DID pass out about 40 of my tickets for the 29th and a lot of my appearance slips. If I have counted right, that is about 100 tickets so far for the show on the 29th.
Sun Sep 18 = Today I took a rare bath. Also, on an impulse, I researched tracking camera mounts and found none suitable, at this time, for tracking me while I'm onstage. I also spent over an hour updating this blog through yesterday.
Mon Sep 19 = I am getting used to changing the date with my new self-inking date stamp. It was cheap, plastic, has 12 messages and is good for ten years.
- Tonight was the second session of my Comedy Writing Workshops. I arrived in time to eat some supper there at Toso's and set things up. This week I did not re-arrange the tables and chairs or take my whiteboard. Carrie Carson was the only other person who showed up. We had a good two-hour session, talking about how we capture the fleeting funny ideas that pop into our heads and working on some of our materials. It was neat to get better acquainted with Carrie.
Tue Sep 20 = Two comedy appearances this evening: Dos Gringos and then the Tempe Tavern.
Wed Sep 21 = In preparation for going on a clear liquid diet for tomorrow, I mixed up four batches of Jello: black cherry, lime, strawberry/banana and blue raspberry. Of course all of it is mostly sugar. From what I've read I'll need the calories, since the rest of the liquids don't have many. Also I bought and stuck in the refrigerator, three different flavors of strained fruit juices and a couple sports drinks.
- I researched the Big Pine Comedy Festival in Flagstaff and found that 12 of my comedian friends from the Phoenix area are on the bill. Congratulations, guys! Also I found that they are going to have two Little Pine Showcases where it's a show-up/go-up for any performers. A few select comedians from these shows will be featured in other festival shows. So I changed my plans for the nest couple days to make the trip up there Friday. There's always the NEXT Friday for the bowel cleanse!
- This evening I drove down to Improv Mania in Chandler. It was a good class. The most fun thing we did was, Pass the Monster. Also Hitch Hiker was fun, where we picked up the traits of someone else's warped mind.
Thu Sep 22 = I decided, at this last minute, that I would drive up to Flagstaff for the comedy festival that started today.
- I got everything organized for the trip, including food, meals, refrigerator etc. etc.
Fri Sep 23 = It was pretty much overkill, but I packed up my van for a month's stay, not knowing if I was going to stay in Flagstaff one, two or three nights. I included a little ceramic heater because the low tonight in Flagstaff is forecast to be 30° F.
- Early afternoon I drove up to Flagstaff in plenty of time for the Little Pine Showcase and did a four minute set.
- Paul Virzi was the headliner for the festival in the intimate Zane Gray Room at the Weatherford Hotel.
- The Midnight Comedy Jam with live music in Charley's Pub at the Weatherford Hotel was fun. Michael Longfellow, the host, gave everyone four minutes each, until... Just before me, he realized the show was going to go too long, and reduced the remaining sets to two minutes each. I turned on a dime and changed to my Pocket Routine, which went over well with the late night, mostly drunk crowd.
- I didn't take my T-shirt bag into any of the venues until a guy asked me where he could get a T-shirt like mine. He bought a medium. After the show Paul Virzi, the headliner, bought a large.
Sat Sep 24 = Good service and price from Best Buy. Today, in the mail, two days after I ordered it, I received the double pack of (black and color) cartridges for my Epson WF-100 portable printer.
Sun Sep 25 = Around noon I lay out in the sun. Later went to the LA Fitness on East Camelback road for an abbreviated, slow, heavy legs workout and then on to the Kax Stage at the Herberger Theater to do eight minutes of comedy.
- This evening I could not find the Kax video on the SD card from my Canon camera, although I could see and play the video on the camera itself.
Mon Sep 26 = This evening I held the third session in my Comedy Workshops series. I checked withDave, the owner of Toso's Bar and Restaurant and he said that I would be able to hold a second series of six workshops from November 7th to December 19th... in the back room. I will decide whether or not to do it, based on how the rest of this first series goes.
- After the workshop, one of the comedians did not show up for Bobby Johnson's Monday Madhouse Comedy show, so Bobby let me fill in with 12 minutes as the first comedian. What Fun! It surely pays to be prepared!
Tue Sep 27 = What a high-tech operation! This morning I was awakened about 8:30 by a singing noise that my drippers sometimes make, but it was not time for them to drip. There was a Cox truck across the street. Dave Teixeira, from Omaha is in town training local technicians on installing fiber optics to replace the old coaxial cable. His Atlanta-based company developed a way to use a soap lubricant to push out the core of old underground coaxial cables and a special feed device that uses 200psi air pressure to push the optic cable through the resultant cavity. Our neighborhood is getting a 144-count fiber optic bundle through a newly installed conduit. When they finish we'll have fiber to the curb.
- This evening I went to Dos Gringos in Tempe and then to Grand Avenue Pizza in Phoenix, doing mostly the same set on Maui, as practice for Thursday at Stand Up Live.
Wed Sep 28 = Tonight was the last Improve Mania Leve 1 class. I registered for the Level 2 series that starts next Wednesday for four weeks.
Thu Sep 29 = I went on all clear liquids today as prep for tomorrow's bowel purge.
- This morning Pedro came over and trimmed my shrubs. He certainly is prompt and reasonable, among other positive attributes.
- I took a chance this afternoon and cut my hairs just before leaving for my comedy appearance. I like to give myself a haircut with enough time after to get it fixed up in case I make a mess of things. I haven't made a mess yet, in over 20 years of cutting my own hair.
- Today's trip started about 5:30 and was to the E Camelback LA Fitness for a shower and then to Stand Up Live to appear on their New Faces show.
- Stand Up Live: It's not very often that the situation is just right for my III Guests bit, but it always goes over well. At the last moment, I took advantage of the large bringer crowd at Stand Up Live and kicked off my five-minutes with the bit. The crowd of about 225 was great. That bumps my total audience count to over ten thousand. To be exact, 10,057, since my first appearance on January 3, 2014 at the Tempe Center for the Arts. Tonight four percent of the people I gave tickets to showed up. That's about par for the course.
Fri Sep 30 = I continued my clear liquid diet for the second day, and at noon, started my bowel cleanse with five bisacodyl (Dulcolax) tablets. Being my first time doing this, I had no idea how long I would have before the first grand expulsion so tried to squeeze in some activities anyway. First, I lay out in the sun for 20 minutes at solar noon and then went to Papa's Laundry, one of the best laundromats I have ever seen. Attendants, Tim and Dave were very helpful. I went there to wash the queen-sized comforter I keep in my van, using one of their two 6x front-loading washers. They also have a bunch of 3x machines.
- This evening, for my bowel purge/cleanse, I started taking Polyethylene Glycol 3350 (Miralax) every 20 minutes. While I was hanging around home and close to a toilet, I ordered a Sony ICD UX560 digital recorder for recording the audiences during my comedy sets... if it records time accurately so it will synchronize with my other audio and video recordings. I hope it works because it is surely a cute little thing.
- The bowel purge did not go as expected, but I think I got it done anyway... by midnight, when I had, a banana, some steamed broccoli and a delicious mixture of whole-wheat bread cubes, 3oz of blueberries and six ounces of blueberry muffin flavored CARBmaster cultured dairy blend (yogurt-like stuff) with active cultures.
