Blog Archive 2019 Sep
Sun Sep 1 = I can't believe everything went like clockwork today. I got my van's magnetic signs cleaned up from the horrible LA smog, drove 24 miles down to
Pick A Part in southwest Phoenix and exchanged the spare tire winch with a bad cable I had bought from them, for one with a good cable... and no rust. The
new
one came off from the salvage van easily since I had put all the necessary tools in a bag. Before leaving their parking lot, I had the
new
winch installed on the bottom of my van.
Mon Sep 2 = My diarrhea is acting up again. Had two loose stools today, always urgent (ugh). The second one was mostly liquid. I know you wanted to know that little tidbit.
- Tonight I was not drawn for the
CB Live Bucket List Open Mic, so I drove down to Devil's Advocate in Tempe and did my
Ber Day and
Boxes routines.
Tue Sep 3 = Today I spent some time researching special licence plates for hybrid vehicles, in case I get a Chrysler Pacifica.
- My first comedy appearance this evening was at The Tempe Tavern. I did a little crowd work and them my
Ber Day and
Voice sets. Then on to...
- The Bench bar in Tempe for my first appearance there. They loved me and were a good, laughing audience. The bar manager went out of his way to accommodate me and my T-Shirts.
Wed Sep 4 = Today I phoned my old friend Todd at
Green Motors. He helped me with some of the electrical installations on my
- minivan
- tweaked-out minivan
about 20 years ago. Good news: He's still in business and can help me with my new van installation.
- Tonight's comedy was working on my new
Ber Day set at Toso's and The Woodshed.
Thu Sep 5 = This evening I did my new
Ber Day routine at Improv Mania in Chandler.
Fri Sep 6 = This afternoon I saw
my dermatologist
. The appointment had to be rescheduled for today and I saw a nurse assistant instead of my doctor becaused Affiliated Dermatology dropped the ball with my referral. Tessa wanted to biopsy the five suspicious spots she found. I decided. Tessa emailed me pictures of them so I can monitor them for the next three months.
- I got everything lined up and to bed early for tomorrows FIRC (Flight Instructor Refresher Course).
Sat Sep 7 = The FIRC was interesting as usual. It was good to see a lot of the pilot friends I have gotten acquainted with over the years.
- This evening I washed my van at home. I will not be using car washes because of the loose paint at the bollard dent. I always feel good with my shiny van - especially when I look at it from one of the three dent-free views.
Sun Sep 8 = I almost did not make the 24 miles to the FIRC this morning. As soon as I left home my van engine started cutting out. The speedometer and all the rest fo the gages would go to zero, then come back up and the engine would come on again. I stopped several times to get the thing going again. Finally it stopped for good and would not restart. Fortunately I was with a half mile of the Sheraton Phoenix Airport Hotel in Tempe. In spite of blocking a deserted bike path, it was not in a traffic lane. I grabbed my stuff and walked the rest of the way. Was only about 13 minutes late for the 7am FIRC.
- During a break, I phoned I phoned the Tempe PD. They did not try to be helpful, saying I was parked illegally and that they were going to get a tow truck.
- At noon, my van was still there, so one of the other flight instructors towed my van into the hotel parking lot.
- After the FIRC I had my van towed to BrakeMasters near my house. Thank you, Jesus (No, that was the guy's name.)
Mon Sep 9 = I got an Uber to BrakeMasters this morning. Dave there said my van had wiring problems and recommended NASA Automotive Electric way over in Glendale. So I walked about a half mile to and back from 99¢ Only for some needed bread and bananas. Back at BrakeMasters, Sue took me home. Thanks Sue!
Later I rented a car from Enterprise, about two miles from my house. They upgraded me to a 2019 Hyundai Tucson SUV (a compact sport utility vehicle). It is so much smaller that my van, I can walk all around it in my garage.
- I drove the SUV to
CB Live for their open mic bucket drawing. My name did not get drawn so I headed down to
Devil's Advocate in Tempe to do my
Silly routine.
- Tonight I got to bed after 12:30am and I did not get much sleep because my technology sort of got out of control.
- at 6:0am I tot up to pee
- at 9:20am my door bell rang with a package from Amazon
- at 10:28am Alexa woke me up with an alarm that I forgot to cancel
- At 11:00am my Radio started the news because I forgot to turn it off.
Tue Sep 10 = Early this morning, when I was up to pee, I phoned BrakeMasters' voice mail (about a mile from my house) where my van is and asked them to retrieve my
- LiFeMnPO
- our van's Lithium/Iron/Manganese/Phosphate/Oxygen
house
battery
,
my sunglasses, my sunflower seeds and my garage door opener before the tow truck takes the van 17 miles way on the other side of the valley. Sue and Dave there had it all waiting for me later in the day when I stopped by with my newly rented car. They surely are nice there. I just hope I can give them some business.
- Tonight was my two usual Tuesday comedy appearances: Tempe Tavern and Bench Bar - via my rental car.
Wed Sep 11 = In the rental car, I drove to Toso's and The Woodshed for comedy tonight.
Thu Sep 12 = I have been advancing my lower jaw on the mouth appliance with which I sleep to prevent sleep apnea.
- At Improv Mania tonight I did some stuff about my road tour, including Dumpster, Bollard and Van Problems. Ryan Johnson, the host, said I was good and suggested that people are interested in my life and just telling stories about it is funny. Thanks, Ryan
Fri Sep 13 = I have been hot and heavy researching which minivan to buy.
Sat Sep 14 = Today I sunned, worked on booking more shows for next year and phoned NASA Automobile Electric (again, van not ready).
Sun Sep 15 = Today I submitted my entery for the Bird City Comedy Festival, to be held here in Phoenix the last of March, 2020
Mon Sep 16 = I got all of today's booking phone calls made, this blog updated and had some time left so I processed a video from June 21st in Fuquay-Varina, NC. That gained me about 20gb of disk space with one video instead of the four source videos and an audio file.
Tue Sep 17 = This afternoon I booked Vermilion, Ohio, the 15th benefit show for next year's road tour.
- I drove over 17 miles to NASA Automobile Electric to pick up my van and return the rental car. After NASA removed and repaired the van's harness and fixed the PRINDL (prindle), my van's gear shifting and indicators work correctly, my rear view camera now works the key activates the starter correctly (instead of the button I jerry rigged) and the van runs... but now the transmission is bad. The van does not go... forward. Well it does, barely. Just enough to gradually get me up to a maximum speed of 20 mph in a quarter mile and 2.4 miles to 51st Ave & W Northern Ave. A tow truck took me the rest of the way home (fortunately, it was on his way home) after dropping my van off at Ken's Transmission on the way. NASA's note says "vehicle has stripped sungear internal transmission. That little note cost me over $400. Now throwing good money after bad. A bad van.
Wed Sep 18 = No transportation today. I did book the 16th show for my 2018 road tour. In prep for switching my van
apartment
to a new van, I started cleaning out the east side of my garage. That meant getting rid of a lot of boxes that have accumulated over the years, which made for a cluttered garage but for good comedy.
This evening I did a brief, but slow and heavy, legs workout, then rewarded myself with one of my famous Protein Frosties.
Thu Sep 19 = I stayed home, again, without transportation today. I got the east side of my garage cleaned out a little more.
- This evening I sent emails to three different veterans' posts, confirming the details of my shows for them - sort of like an informal contract. It took me an average of 10 minutes each. I figure that is not only professional, but will avoid misunderstandings that could lead to an unhappy comedian or an unhappy post.
- I also sent emails to The Tonight Show. I made up three email addresses, for one of their staff, hoping that one would get through to someone. None of the three emails were returned as undeliverable so maybe they got through. I'll be surprised if anyone opens them.
Fri Sep 20 = Today I bought a new 2020 Kia Sedona SX, the first 2020 vehicle that Earnhardt Kia sold. Ron Monoco was my salesman and young Steven Dyer spent almost an hour with me in my new van, helping me program it, link it to my phone and explaining all the bells and whistles. Thanks guys. I was able to take advantage of their $2,500 discount by paying cash. I had saved up the money because I saw it coming.
Sat Sep 21 = This morning I had T & S Towing deliver my van to my garage. so I can remove all my high tech stuff before I get rid of it.
- I updated my
fan
email contacts and uploaded 497 of them from the Phoenix area to MailChimp and sent out emails to them for my next Sunday appearance at Stand Up Live in downtown Phoenix.
- This was the first night this season that I slept with something on... other than a fan. In the middle of the night I pulled the knit sheet up to my neck. No wonder, the temperature dropped down to 69 in Phoenix and 63 in my back yard.
Sun Sep 22 = Today's big project, I did not plan, but had to get done: manually updating my email list with about 5 that unsubscribed and about 75 that were undeliverable. Maybe I typed them in wrong. What a job! Took the place of clearing out my old van.
Mon Sep 23 = To my
Future Shows
list, I added a show in Triangle, VA and then updated this blog for ten more days, which was a big job.
- Tonight I lucked out and got drawn for the open mic at
CB Live in northern Phoenix at
Desert Ridge. Since I was next to the last I stayed to the end of the show. Casey, the producer/booker had taken notes and gave me some helpful feedback. I wrote him a thank you note, which I'll get in the mail tomorrow.
Tue Sep 24 = Today I kept busy scheduling a show in Billings, MT (thanks to Rick Osborne there) for Nov 2nd, adding the show to my home page and booking my flights.
- During my set at The
Tempe Tavern, the audience of 14 laughed more than I have ever heard them laugh before, which is usually not much. Then on to
The Bench where there was a table of four ladies that enjoyed my set and laughed a lot, among the 14 people there.
Wed Sep 25 = The absolute bigest laugh of the evening at Toso's was outside on the north patio before the show started. I asked the group of comedians out there if they'd like to go for a ride in my new minivan. They spent the next few minutes making jokes and laughing.
Thu Sep 26 = Today I got three more compartments and pockets cleared out in my old van. I sunned at noon.
- This evening, at the Improv Mania Comedy open mic, they added a new, and welcome twist. The comedians now put their names in a hat and Ryan pulls them out for the order. Before this twist, one had to arrive and sit out in the heat as early as two hours before the show to get a decent spot on the list.
Fri Sep 27 = I finalized my routine for Sunday at Stand Up Live. It will involve no audience interaction so, hopefully, will yield a good video for TV auditions.
- My shipment of 62 T-Shirts arrived today: about 20 pounds of Hanes Tagless Echo-Smart Comfort Blend T-shirts. Design A Shirt always does a good job.
- Tonight I went to CB Live and paid the big bucks to be an audience member. My comedian friend, Derek McFarland did a good job hosting the show. The headliner was good and I got a new
Toss Salad
routine... after I went home and looked it up.
Sat Sep 28 = Impossible? When I opened my garage door it paused a little on the way up. I discovered why when I saw my full trash container in mid air, suspended by the garage door's latch cable which snagged it.
I couldn't get the trash container down by closing the garage door because the bottom of the trash can would break the beam and the door would go back up. It took a little wrestling, but I finally got it down. Too bad I didn't think of closing the door manually.
- Where was I going? I had given myself an extra day to cut my own hairs, didn't get it done so, this afternoon, went to Cost Cutters for a haircut. They did a good job, but $17.00? Plus my tip totaled $19.00. The two on my road tour cost $12 each, plus my $2 tip.
Sun Sep 29 = Tonight, at
Stand Up Live's
new faces, I was the third comedian. My set was clean and involved no audience interaction for a video to use for TV auditions. The guy on my camera #1 had explained that he was experienced taking videos, and proved it by cutting off the top of my head most of the time. Not what I had hoped for, but still usable. I got 7.5 laughs per minute and the audience was laughing 30% of the time.
Mon Sep 30 = At noon I sunned, which I try to do every four days.
- At
CB Live in
Desert Ridge I didn't do very well with the Crowdwork Challenge for which I was drawn. Most comedians have trouble with this. I was drawn for a second set and did my famous Gym With Towel Boy routine, which was pretty well received.
